Are you outgrowing each other?

Hello beautiful soul!

You're doing the inner work. Your partner isn't. It's causing a rift.

And you have no idea how to navigate it. 

You're feeling lonely - as are they. The disconnection is defeating as it is deafening. 

The hardest part of transformation is honouring each other's journey, how to navigate growth together - and letting go of needing the other person to change or want to fix them.

It's hard because you feel as though you're outgrowing the relationship.

It's hard because you have changed and they haven't.

It's hard because you want more from life... and what they want no longer aligns with you.... and you're expecting more. From them and from the relationship. 

So how do you navigate this conflict?

After the ending of my first marriage, I knew a skill I really needed to learn if I wanted to have healthy relationships was to understand how to be empowered in conflict.

Without a conscious relationship and a healthy relationship to conflict, I would either shut down, feel unloved, not ask for what I needed, go to blame, or feel like a victim. 

If we all knew how to navigate conflict, we would.

The truth is, most of us were never taught, and our parents weren't great at conflict... and so they weren't taught... and that's the generational pattern. 

We were taught to shut down, defend, justify, shut the other person down, blame, be a victim, shout, overpower, dominate. Conflict is seen as "bad" and you vs me - and win/lose. 

What if there was a different view on conflict?

With conflict, I understood that it's something you can't figure out on your own. The mind the causes the problem can't be the same mind that solves it.

And that's what I did.

I sought out the best teachers, books, and courses on understanding disconnection and conflict to be a master at conflict.

Because the more intimate our relationship with conflict, the more intimate and deeper the connections we share.

Conflict isn't destructive. It's our opinion of conflict that judges it and makes it so.

Conflict is the seed to greater intimacy.

With the families I support, they can have the most challenging conversations to clean up misunderstandings, create boundaries and create more Love - with their partners/ spouses, ex-es, children, family, parents. 

No stone unturned. Nothing to shy away from. Conflict is no longer a scary and frightening domain. 

AND in navigating conflict with heart, connections are deepened. 

Here are the steps to navigate conflict with Love.

1. Create an empowered relationship to conflict. Heal your childhood observations around conflict. Without this awareness, you're approaching every conflict from your inner-wounded child.

2. Know your armour, know your weapon of choice. We all have default behaviours when it comes to conflict. According to Dr John Gottman, there are four key behaviours that are the most destructive to relationships (Stonewalling, Defensiveness, Contempt, Criticism). Being able to understand your "armour", - you can make a different choice.

3. Choosing Love. When we are in conflict, we forget that our partners and our children want the same thing and we are on the same team. Conflict isn't you vs me, us vs them. It is us vs the challenge. Us vs the issue. This requires us to be empathetic with each other and being in each other's worlds. In choosing Love, conflict is finding a "win-win". 

On the 5th October, Tuesday at 11 am AEST, I'm inviting you to a free masterclass. How to navigate conflict. 

The greatest gift you can give your children is the gift of you living a life led by Love and the Love you grow and nurture with each other (as parents or co-parents), AND this includes how to navigate conflict together.

To register, reply to this email, and I'll send you the details to join the Masterclass live.

Special bonus for those that join live! <3 

I hope to see you there.

Sending Love,
Yummii xx