do you feel like it's the same argument over and over?
Do you ever feel like you're having the same argument, same conflict, same tension with your partner/ children over and over - and it's not going anywhere?
Does it seem defeating, and it's as though you can't find a way forward?
And do you find yourself in these times either being defensive, needing to be right and having the last say, stonewalling and being really guarded, or even the worst part of you comes out, and you're being spiteful and eye-rolling?
Here's what I invite you to consider.
No one in a relationship is waking up in the morning and saying, "Oh, I can't wait for another argument"!
Not you - not your partner - not your child.
However, we wake up with the best of intentions, and our intentions are also impacted by the relationship we have with ourselves.
One of the promises I made to myself in all my relationships is this.
"win-win".
My intention is that it is ALWAYS possible to find an outcome that is the highest and greatest good for all.
You see, I don't believe in compromise, and I don't believe in sacrifice.
And the secret to breaking up with compromise and sacrifice is this.
Clarity.
When we have clarity on who we are, what is important to us, and our why, clarity is power.
My why is that our family thrives. Simple.
That is my why. And from that place, and being anchored in knowing why I'm doing what I'm doing, there is discernment on my actions, choices, decisions, and how I show up.
Do I always get it right? No.
And the pathway to get back to centre is straightforward.
So why am I sharing all of this?
Healing generational wounds breaking the cycle means one thing to me.
To return to the Heart. To remember our Wholeness.
And to return to the Heart, we are to investigate and understand how to alchemise the moments we turn away from our Heart.
It's not always obvious.
When you're forcing a result - you're away from your Heart.
When you want the last say - you're away from your Heart.
When you're taking things personally - you're away from your Heart.
When you're defensive - you're away from your Heart.
When you feel like you have to prove yourself or make someone else prove themself to you - you're away from your Heart.
When you're controlling - you're away from your Heart.
When you need to be right and make the other person wrong - you're away from your Heart.
When you're seeking agreement to prove a point - you're away from your Heart.
When it's a "win-lose" situation - you're away from your Heart.
When you deny your humanity or the humanity of another - you're away from your Heart.
Is anything wrong with the above? No.
It will however, give you a particular experience of life....and that is the quickest and fastest way to push your loved ones away.
The above behaviours might help you achieve results - Most of the world thrives on the above. People create things from the above energy.... and the satisfaction and fulfilment are fleeting.
I'm going to be straight with you... Those above behaviours will NOT lead to a healthy, connected, and safe relationships with your loved ones.
Because your partner and your children aren't goals. NOR are they your pet project.
....and if you're basing your self-worth on them, that's a heavy burden for them to carry - and really, it's not theirs to carry.
So where to now.
Find your relationship set-point. Find your baseline.
Here are the steps:
- Understand your Horseman of choice (Dr John Gottman)
- Understand your Attachment patterns. (Attachment Theory)
- Understand the addictive thoughts/ beliefs/ emotions you have (there's a really easy way to do this if you're a parent!)
- Understand your patterns when you are in Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn.
From Understanding (awareness) - the next steps will be your very own Hero's Journey on how to transform this into a greater understanding and then living out a greater knowing.
You'll have access to take different actions, make different choices, show up in a way that has you feel more Love for yourself.
We are all on a Hero's Journey. And like all journey's there is no RIGHT way, and what works for one may not work for the other.
What I'm clear about though, is the aim of the journey leads to the same place.
The Heart.
I promise you - your partner/ spouse doesn't want to fight with you... and neither do your children.
What we all want is to work out a way where we are all thriving.
So... I'm running a Masterclass on exactly how to find your relationship set-point and baseline. Would love to invite you there.
This Masterclass will give you an insight into your baseline and your model of Love.
It might just be the greatest thing you're going to do for your relationships.
Reply to this email if you want to be notified when the Masterclass will be running.
Sending Love,
Yummii xx