How are you doing? Really?

How are you doing? Really? 

How are you really doing? - When was the last time you allowed yourself to "feel"?

When Brooklyn was in utero, they discovered some abnormalities with his kidneys. Since then, we have had to monitor it and today was another check-up day.

I'm at the Children's Hospital, and it's both heartbreaking and inspiring.

Inspiring to see these children and their resilience, and heartbreaking because I can't begin to imagine what the families go through. 

I'm sitting in the waiting area, and I noticed a fellow mum looking at me. I could sense she wanted to connect. I got a sense she was curious about our situation.

"Hi!.. are you here for your son as well?" I asked. I started the conversation.

"Yes!... Does your son have an issue with his Kidney?".  She asked immediately 

"We're here for a routine check-up to make sure his Kidneys are returning to normal," I answered. "How about you?"

"My son has a hole in his Kidney." She responded. "We're waiting for a transplant." 

"How are you doing?" I asked. "How are you really doing?"

Through the conversation, I found out her son was Brooklyn's age. I could tell she is "holding" it all together. I felt for her. Not sympathy, not pity. Empathy. I wondered if she ever allowed herself the grace to be vulnerable. 

I then had to take Brooklyn to get a blood test.

I noticed the sensations in my body and how I tense up.... and how I default to this mode of "be strong" - yet really "afraid". 

We're now in Pathology, and the nurse is showing me how to hold him. It's a strong "arm-lock".

He is hysterical while I'm holding him in a locked position so they can retrieve blood.

The wailing was nothing like I've heard. As I'm holding him, I'm doing the "box breathing" and "tuning into my heart centre". I am calming my own nervous system. It's taking everything.

He is shrieking. The sound is piercing. The tears are flooding his face. 

Brooklyn is aware of what's going on  - he doesn't understand it - and he knows he is in pain, is scared, is confused, and doesn't feel safe. That's trauma. That energetic resonance is now in his body.

When it was over, I noticed two things—the energetic resonance of fear in his body - and mine. Me "holding it together" is "Fear" energy. It needs to move out of my body. I'm aware that if I don't feel it, it will live in my body.

I also wondered, how many parents know how to navigate the process of releasing the trauma they hold in their body - or do they suppress it?... and therefore, how can they help their child navigate the trauma? 

So here is why I'm asking; "How are you doing? Like really?!...

I don't want the "Yeah I'm good" or the "Yeah nothing to complain about" or the "Yeah we're surviving" surface-level version where everything is brushed over.

Or the "OH there's so much to be grateful for" or "Fear is an illusion" or "Life is always working for me" (and you DON'T really believe it) - I do not want you to Spiritually bypass it either.

The better you get at giving yourself grace, connecting with yourself when you are in Fear, the better parent you will be in meeting your child where they are at... AND loving yourself through the process.

When we numb, suppress, play it down, ignore our feelings or Spiritually bypass it - we deny ourselves of our humanity.

When we deny ourselves of our humanity when we fail to meet ourselves with compassion, kindness, and grace - we will do anything to deny another's humanity.

...And that's why parents get triggered. 

You get triggered by your child because you have an unconscious addiction to needing to be perfect, doing everything on your own, having to be strong and needing to be Superhuman. 

Parents always ask me for parenting tips, the quick fixes.....and sure they work for a little bit - till they no longer work. Why? ...Because the source of the problem hasn't been dealt with.

If who you are, is someone that's just trying to hold it together, or have no capacity for making mistakes - and you use a "Conscious Parenting" tip from there to connect with your child - they'll soon catch on because it feels "manipulative". It's about you trying to get a particular outcome. 

So.... this is the HARDEST part of Conscious Parenting.

Being vulnerable. Telling the truth to yourself of where you are. Feeling the feelings. 

Giving yourself grace.

Let go of holding it all together.

Drop the mask.

Loose the perfection.

Love your humanity.

Yes, we are Spiritual Beings having a human experience - so let go of denying your humanity.

The access to being more patient, more calm, having more connection, more joy in parenting - starts with you, loving on you. 

The truth shall set you free. 

So beautiful soul, "How are you doing? Really? "

If you're looking for someone to hold space and be a sounding board, write to me. It would be an honour to hold space for you.