How hard are you on yourself?

Notice I didn't ask, "Are you hard on yourself?"...

I asked, "How hard are you on yourself?"

My guess is you have high expectations of yourself - and you're hard on yourself. Really hard.

And you feel this is normal. 

Well.... it's normalized within you. Not normal. 

There's a difference between holding ourselves accountable to a high standard of excellence and greatness VS being hard on ourselves.

Hear me out.

When we are holding ourselves accountable to a high standard of excellence and greatness - we are emotionally generous with ourselves and bold at the same time. We give ourselves grace where we have fallen short - AND we trust ourselves and have a deep love for ourselves in knowing that we can try again.

We recommit - without shame, without judgement, and there is a sense of freedom. 

We understand that there will be mistakes and failures - and they don't mean anything about us - AND we trust that we can recorrect and have compassion that this is the human experience.

Now... Being hard on ourselves.

We are constantly heightened for what's not good enough about ourselves, what we are doing wrong, where we are falling short and how we can't ever do it right.

And even when we do it "right" - we aren't pausing to celebrate how far we have come. There is this incessant demand of being more, doing more, and the "more" is from a state of survival.

How can you tell where you are?

Whether you are holding yourself accountable to a high standard of excellence and greatness vs being hard on yourself?

Your capacity to feel Joy, to play, to be at ease with life.....and the quality of your connection to the ones you love.

Chances are, if you're hard on yourself, you're hard on those around you.

The relationship will never be enough. 

Your partner/ spouse - is not enough.

Your children aren't enough. 

The money you make is not enough.

If you're hard on yourself, there is a "wiring" in your brain of "what is wrong" and consistently looking for evidence of "where life isn't working out".

And underneath it all - this addiction to looking for evidence of what is wrong with you.

There's nothing wrong with you.

And you might read that and get it on a conscious level... however unconsciously, your body feels uneasy with that belief.

How to heal the addiction to being hard on yourself?

Learning how to relax. Learning how to be graceful and patient with yourself.

And learning how to be empowered to hold yourself accountable - NOT hostage. 

So... On a scale 1-10, how hard are you on yourself?

Will this level of being hard on yourself give you the life you want? Will it allow you to be the parent you want to be? Will it create more connection?

And what is the pay-off, what is the story you get to be right about with you being this hard on yourself?

And... what is the impact on you, on your family life, on your relationship with being this hard on yourself?

I hope this gives you food for thought - and you start breaking up with the pattern of being hard on yourself.

Sending love,
Yummii xx

PS If you're wanting to trust yourself more, wanting more connection to your Heart, wanting to be more intuitive, being hard on yourself isn't going to get you there.