how you're pushing them away...

We all want deep connection - with our children, with our partners/ spouses....and unconsciously we push them away.

I was asked this question on a podcast interview this week:

"What do we do as parents, that destroy the connection with our children?"

It's a powerful question. 

This is my take.

The 3 things you do, that kill the connection between your child and you (and really with you and anyone!)...and push others away are:

1. Your expectations of them
2. Taking things personally
3. Trying to fix them

If you pause and really think about the frustration or dissatisfaction on how you feel about your children (especially if they are teenagers) - the cause will most likely fall into any of the above 3 points.

Who you want them to be is your stuff.

It's your projection.

It is about your control over their life to make you feel better.

No-one likes that.

And if anyone did that to you, I'm sure the walls would come up too....and if it's not walls or your armour - it will be your ammunition! You're ready to fight!

And if ever you were at the receiving end of someone trying to fix you or someone blaming you for how they are feeling... that would shut down connection faster than the speed of light.

Observe how the above patterns play out in your relationships, be responsible for how you show up - do something about it - and your relationships will improve.

It will be the work you do that you'll never regret doing.
...and it will be the work you don't do, that you'll regret not doing.

 And guess what?

Whatever you're doing to push your children and partner away, you're really doing it to you.

You have high expectations of yourself and always feel like you're falling short and letting yourself down.

You blame yourself and feel as though everything is your fault. As though out of 7.4+ billion people you really are the one with the deficient genes that are broken and nobody else knows. You completely feel like there is something others know that you don't. 

......and you're always trying to fix yourself.

You meditate to fix yourself.

You do course after course to fix yourself.

You are always looking to improve yourself from a space of fixing yourself.

Interesting right?

So how do we stop pushing our children and our loved ones away?

Stop rejecting, abandoning and betraying ourselves, within.

It starts from there. 

Sending love,
Yummii xx