|
"Just be grateful you were born....You're lucky to be here"
I would often hear as I was growing up.
I was the "other woman's" daughter and for the longest time, that story would define me. I was lucky that I wasn't aborted.
The way in which I chose to enter this world had me create this belief "I am a mistake". I didn't trust that I was enough... I didn't trust that I deserved to be alive.
It was the place in which I showed up everywhere. And this is how it would show up.
I was constantly trying to prove myself.... To prove that I mattered and to prove that the other person wouldn't regret being with me... However, you know how life has it, without being conscious we will choose people who will reinforce our story.
So every relationship had me reinforce "I am a mistake" and I just "make wrong choices" when it came to men.
I would allow myself to be lied to.
I would allow myself to betray myself.
I would allow myself to abandon myself.
AND to numb from the truth of that, I would overcompensate by proving myself and be ultra-independent.
Until one day, I had enough. I drew a line in the sand and I DECIDED I was going to be someone that was best-friends with life, and be someone that I could count on and trust myself.
That decision came simply because I had enough of abandoning and betraying myself.
I took responsibility for being addicted to "proving that I was a mistake"... And as much as that sounds crazy, I didn't know I didn't know that's how I was living life until I started accepting that I was the common denominator in my relationships.
The very first thing I had to heal was my relationship with trusting myself and my addiction to indecision.
I remember it SO clearly. I said to myself, "indecision is an unhealthy habit - and it is unloving to me and it feeds a lack of trust within myself".
From that day onwards, I can't remember the last time I was indecisive.
Now - I know it's more than words - and left to your own devices, it's REALLY hard.
Here's what supported me. John.
John is, and still remains to this day, a safe space.
You can't have growth without a safe space.
It's almost impossible to trust yourself, and trust a brand new "you" without the energy of safety, security, and being grounded.
John was that for me.
For the first 2-3 years of our time together, as I was going through my withdrawal symptoms and addiction to self-abandonment, he would hold space for me.
Unconditionally.
When you grow, you need a safe space.
You need someone to hold space for you - it is the difference between doing 10 years of the same thing and not much as changed to 1 year and you have quantum leaped.
To be witnessed, and to be in a space where you are held with so much Love - there is NOTHING like it.
AND I can tell, the life you live, the life you create, the life you receive as a person that trusts yourself vs someone that doesn't trust themselves is WORLDS apart.
For 30 years of my life I questioned my value, my worth, my existence.
That's 30 years too long.
Not being able to trust yourself is one of the most unloving things you can do, and it is an active act of betrayal, abandonment, and self-loathing.
If you don't trust you, who will?
I'm not "lucky" to be here - as my parents would say.
Here's my truth now.
The world is blessed that I chose to be here.
And I am blessed to be alive - not by chance, by choice.
From being someone that chose the same type of guy that would cheat or reject healthy love because it was "too boring" to someone in an incredibly healthy relationship, I'm telling you - That wasn't meant to be in my "cards".
It wasn't a "future" or possibility for me based on my upbringing and patterns.
YOU have the power to create a different life from the one you inherited or are living if you're not happy with it.
AND it starts with TRUSTING yourself to love yourself enough, to back yourself.
I don't question who I am and I definitely don't question my choices.
I trust myself to make GREAT choices for my life, and I trust myself to forgive myself if those choices don't turn out to be so great.
I trust myself that I'm always doing what is in my highest and greatest good - and this unwavering belief within me to trust myself is what has me LOVE myself in order to surrender to life, and receive from it abundantly - in Spirit, in Love, in Life.
MAKE TRUSTING YOURSELF A PRIORITY.
You can't love yourself if you don't trust yourself.
And if you don't love yourself, you don't believe that life is on your side.
You can't live, and you're not really living if you have a problem with trust.
My heart is asking you to give yourself permission to trust your existence and to trust yourself.
Start with acknowledging the great choices you have made. And forgive the choices that have hurt your Heart.
Know yourself as someone that is worthy of her own Love.
Sending love,
Yummii xx
PS And if you are looking for a safe space in order to grow to your next level - Reach out. Reply to this email and share what's going on for you. If I can help, I'll let you know.
I don't teach that which I don't embody - I only teach that which I have mastered.
I promise you that. I know a year with me - will save you 10 years off your personal development.
Most of my clients share this sentiment; "I've done decades of inner work and could never be what I learnt. I'm finally being the work because of the space you hold."
|
