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Sarah has a 15-year-old teenage daughter who is battling anorexia.
She is unsure if what she is doing is right in helping her daughter... and her daughter's current circumstance is impacting everyone in the family.
She is constantly questioning herself - because there is the way her daughter wants to navigate this, and there is what the "experts" are saying to do.
The experts want her to force her daughter to eat, to monitor her weight. They are so focused on "the weight".
Sarah's daughter is shutting down and not responding to what the "experts" advise.
Sarah is so torn.
We get on the phone, and she shares with me her story.
I ask the following questions:
- What changes have happened in the last two years?
- How are the relationships at home?
- Is Sarah, the eldest, middle, youngest?
- Who is in her current friendship circle?
The "experts" don't care about how Sarah's daughter got to where she got.
They are applying a "cookie-cutter" approach to what is a mental/ emotional and Spiritual journey.
I then start focusing on Sarah.
Where is she at mentally, physically, emotionally and Spiritually?. Is she blaming herself? Is she taking this personally?
After I get my intel - I share with her my diagnosis and the way forward.
Where I see the breakdown, what happened that led to it, and what the next steps are.
She starts crying - and she says, "That makes so much sense! I can see it now."
The "experts" might eventually get Sarah's daughter to eat and recover from anorexia. However, she still isn't free.
The lack of control and the burden of life will still be in her system - and instead of manifesting with her weight, it will show up in her relationships or her work.
True healing can only be done from a place of Love.
Not fear. Not force. Not cookie cutter. And definitely not from a place where a parent feels like their child is broken and that they need fixing.
"Yummii - thank you for sharing with me the roadmap because you're the first person that has shared an approach that aligns with my Heart - and I know this to be the healthiest way to move forward...".
The last 2 years have been really hard on children - especially between the ages of 9 - 18.
Your child's brain is changing - and they are the years where friendships can have a greater influence than parents.
And this is dangerous.
Because it is the blind leading the blind, and the broken-hearted leading the broken-hearted.
Just like a 3-year old that's having a tantrum - the outcome of one 3-year-old being able to support a fellow 3-year-old is far from ideal.
Anorexia is a symptom.
Drugs/ Addiction are a symptom.
Vaping is a symptom.
Self-harming is a symptom.
Most "experts" deal with the symptom and not the root of the cause.
The root of the cause is almost always this one thing.
Lack of self-love, self-worth, and the receivership of Love.
AND no matter how much you tell your children you love them or dote on them or try to convince them that they matter - that's not the remedy.
The antidote starts with you. YOU owning you.
Because if you don't - you will think they are broken....and your actions of "loving" them are from a place of fixing them.
They won't respond to that.
Your child has a truth that they are broken and not enough. You are feeding into that truth if you feel they need to be fixed.
We don't see the world as it is. We see the world as we are.
You'll stop wanting to fix your child when you can look in the mirror and love you for who you are.
That's the work. That's the healing.
And that's the access to really be side-by-side with your child and guide them through one of the toughest initiations into adulthood.
Love them, by loving you.
Sending love,
Yummii xx
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