Love and looks...

Growing up, my mom was obsessed with how I looked.

She was worried about my skin colour.

What  I wore.

She obsessed about my freckles (because culturally, freckles made you look "dirty").

From as young as 9, she would have any blemishes or freckles that appeared "lasered" off... only to find that they would come back even more.

At night she would rub turmeric and creams all over my face so it could become "whiter".... I would then go to school embarrassed with orange stains on my face.

She was obsessed with how I looked, how I dressed, and what other people would think of me.

We would fight about how I looked.... and how my skin wasn't white enough or clear enough.... and that no-one will want me when I get older.

As a young child, it was confusing - as it created "there's something wrong with me".... I could never feel comfortable with what I looked like or comfortable in my own skin... or comfortable with being me.

I felt there was something wrong and something lacking. She would compare how I looked and how I dressed to others. It created insecurity - a lot of it.

Was this her intention? No.

...and then, I decided to get to the truth of what was going on.

I realised the source of her obsession.

My mother had a story that if you were good-looking, then you would be loved, accepted and belonged.

She couldn't understand why my father didn't love her... and she couldn't understand why there were betrayals.... And the only way she could "understand" it - the only way her mind could make sense of it, was to put it down to "looks".

She had a story that the better looking you are, the more lovable you are.

For her, good looks meant Love. It meant more acceptance and belonging. "Being ugly" meant you're rejected and abandoned.

And... who she was for herself, was that.

Looks was survival.

It wasn't just about how you looked... it determined whether you would "survive".

She didn't realise that my father didn't choose her not because of "looks"... he didn't choose her because he never chose her in the first place. It was the reasoning her mind created to make sense of what was going on.

Understanding her consciousness and story meant I was no longer carrying her projections and living out her fears.

Somewhere in her subconscious, there was a story that if maybe her daughter "looked perfect", my father might approve of her more..... or if her daughter "was pretty", my father might love her more. And if her daughter had no flaws....maybe my father might finally see her and accept her.

Now - as an observer looking in - it doesn't make any sense.

However, when you're in it - you can't see it.

Understanding my mother's view of the world from a place of Love, compassion, and generosity - liberated me.

There was nothing wrong with me. There was nothing wrong with my freckles. There was nothing wrong with the way I looked.

She felt there was something wrong with her - and she projected this.

What my mother did wasn't unique to her.

The "controlling" and "perfectionist" behaviour comes to those that don't trust life.

For my mother it was the looks.

For my father it was my academics and my career.

Not unique to my parents or my circumstance.

Any type of anxiousness, pain, hurt, betrayal, rejection, abandonment and distrust you have of life and others that you haven't worked through - you'll project.

Now... as a parent, your job, and your only job, is to take responsibility for your projections. And if you're someone that wants healthy relationships.... your job, and your only job, is to take responsibility once again, for your projections.

What you don't process, you'll project.

Everyone is either projecting a Fear or they are the expression of Love.

Healing is the access to being conscious of when you're projecting your Fear - and being masterful with choosing to be an expression of Love.

Healing isn't about fixing. Healing is having a greater understanding - a higher viewpoint... being able to tap into the "truth" of what's really going on.

To heal, is to break free from what holds us back from being an expression of Love.

In healing generational patterns and breaking cycles, there is only one intention.

Love.

So many of us are unclear of what Love really is, how to be with it and how to live from there. And yet it's fundamental to what it means to be an Infinite Spiritual being having a human experience.

So to heal, to break generational cycles - the work is to build a relationship with Love.

To unlearn what you've been taught... And to build your own model of understanding, your own relationship with Love.

Because truth is, you are Love.

That journey of remembering, of returning "Home" is the journey of moving from your Mind to your Heart. And that is what it means to break generational cycles.

For it is only when we lead our life and live our life from our Heart, that we are an expression of Love.

Leading your life and living from your Mind - you'll always be projecting your Fear.

As an Infinite Spiritual being, having a human experience - take ownership of your Fear, so you can remember who you are as Love.

And... if you're a parent committed to healing generational patterns looking for a framework and process to navigate this, reach out and I can send you a free training - 27 minutes to create a brand new relationship to healing. (I've had parents who have watched this training 5 times - and said it awakened something within them!).

Reply to this email and I'll send you the link.

Sending love,
Yummii xx