Do you feel a pull to be "responsible?" as a parent?
Nothing sucks the life out of living like this statement; "I have to be responsible now, I'm going to be a parent"... What do you think!?... In that statement, "parenting" has an underlying tone that somehow "fun" and "joy" are no longer are part of life the moment you step into the domain of parenting.
I love this quote from John Lennon; "There are two basic motivating forces: Fear and Love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement and acceptance."
The pull to be "responsible" as soon as we become parents is in the context of Fear.
Fear is contractive. Fear has this experience to make us bunker down, kill possibility, and be soo afraid of seeing that life can be expansive and magical.
- "I don't want to spoil the baby by holding them all the time" - that's Fear.
- Obsessing about their milestones in a competitive nature - that's Fear.
- Judgement of yourself, of others, of the circumstance - that's Fear.
- Comparison of you, of others, of your child - Fear.
- Worrying, guilt, shame - Fear.
- Disease to please, can't say no - Fear.
- "I should know better! I should be better!" - Fear.
- "I'm worried they are going to be naughty." - Fear.
- "They don't listen to me." - Fear.
- Perfectionism. - Fear.
- Control. - Fear.
- "I better work harder, to make more money, to buy more things, so my child can have everything that I didn't have." - MORE F*N FEAR.
What your child wants, is your love. Your attention. Your understanding. For you to love them at their worst. That requires an intimate understanding of being "present" and "empathy" - and if we're run by Fear - presence and empathy are the last things on your mind when your child is at their worst.
All the above are Fears because your mind and body are "contractive". You feel as though there is a "real" threat. There is an experience of survival and defensiveness.
At our core, at our highest and purest self - each and every human being is Love - what I absolutely know for sure within my being is "Only love is real". Fear is here to ask us to expand and meet it with Love.
Fears are unhealed wounds. The parts of us that are seeking acceptance.
What is incredible about becoming a parent, is "The negative self-talk, the parts of us that feel separate and are hurting are highlighted more than ever when we become parents."
ALL our FEAR comes rushing to the forefront screaming for us to meet it with Love. IT'S TIME TO HEAL!!
We can no longer hide our relationship with our self and we can no longer hide from the pain that lives inside our being.
Up until this point, we were numbing the Fear through our work, through the "busyness", through "doing", even through self-destructive behaviours such as alcohol and drugs.
Being obsessed and hiding behind the label of an over-achiever and being a perfectionist is another common way in which we suppress the Fear.
If your child, didn't have the awards, didn't have the achievements, didn't have all the things you deemed "important", if they made mistakes and if they failed - would you still love them?
If you immediately answered, yes, - that there my friend, is wholeness. You love them unconditionally. You see them beyond what they have and what they have achieved. You love them for their spirit.
Could you do the same for you?
Take away all the things that make up your identity. Take away all the things that you have based your self-worth on. Could you experience a sense of wholeness and feel "enough" for being you?
Maybe, up until this point - did you ever consider how Fear was the guidance system that was navigating all the dominant choices and actions you take in life? Nothing wrong with it. What if it served its purpose - and now it's time for a new era? The era of Love.
There is an opportunity of "awakening" when we enter into the world of Parenting.
Fear comes out in full force - and it is DESPERATELY seeking us to meet it with LOVE. It is saying; "Ok, you ready to learn to love yourself and return to your wholeness?!"
When we look at Post-Natal Depression - the experience of failure, anxiety, unable to cope, judgement of who we are, not being enough, failed expectations - these expressions don't discriminate. It lives within all of us.
How we perceive them and their influence on what happens in our life is based on how mentally and mindfully healthy and aware we are.
These elements of "Fear" are the symptoms of a core belief - "I am unlovable. I am not enough. I am unworthy.".
That is why sometimes the most "strongest" women struggle with becoming a new mother because either their expectations of reality equal their self-worth or the core belief of being a broken human being is "on loud speaker".
As a child - you formed that belief within 7 years of your life. If your parents were fuelled with Fear; you unconsciously inherited it. They unconsciously inherited from their parents... these are what we call Generational Wounds.
So let's imagine something... let's say, you finally wake up and start returning to your wholeness. You meet your Fear with Love. You start healing - how different would life be?
Love and wholeness is now the guidance system. What would you stop doing? What would you start doing?
What would you stop feeling? What would you start feeling?
"I AM SO IN LOVE WITH LIFE - Now that I'm a parent" is a much more inspiring context than "I have to be responsible - now that I'm a parent".
One communicates living from Love. The other, living from Fear.
..."When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement and acceptance."
How many parents, do you know are open to all that life has to offer and meet it with passion, excitement, and acceptance?
That's the true gift of parenting. Not to be "responsible" with an underlying tone of "Fear". ... and definitely not to pull back from life.
Is it possible to heal? Yes, my beautiful soul. I promise you it is.
The gift of parenting is for you to feel so much joy and love for who you are and for LIFE! - whether you're willing to receiving it or not, that's in your control.
If you're ready to start your journey of healing - Join me in The Motherhood Mindset starting 1st May.
Sending love,
Yummii xx
PS - If some of this is resonating with you, and you're on the fence, I want to extend an offer for a 30-minute coaching call. Email me (yummii@themotherhoodmindset.