Part 3: Meeting Shame

Hello beautiful soul!

Avery's sitting on my lap.

Even though I knew children "felt" everything - there was one thing in knowing it - and another thinking that I'm going to have a conversation about "shame" with my 5-year-old.

And....even though I remember feeling "shame" as a 5-year-old...

It's still a surreal experience to navigate this with my own 5-year-old.

"Avery - there are two wolves in each of us", I share.

You may be familiar with the story.

I share the "Two Wolves", an old Cherokee parable to my clients - and here I am sharing it with my first-born.

"Every person has it. Mummy, daddy, Brooklyn.... we all have these two wolves.
We each have a wolf that is vicious, resentful, mean, evil.... and the other wolf is understanding, kind, loving.... and these two wolves are always fighting."

Right on cue he asks; "So is one the baddie and the other the goodie? - Who wins?"

Here is where I digress a little from the original teaching for Avery.

"Which one do you want to win?" I ask.

"I don't know... maybe sometimes the baddie....". He answers.

"Yeah, you're right. Sometimes the bad one does win... and do you want the bad one to win because you want him to still be loved - and you sometimes feel that this is you?"

He nods.

"Sometimes mummy's bad wolf wins too. And sometimes the good one wins. Just like you, I'm still learning... and I want you to know that as your parents, we are here to help you understand the 2 wolves that are inside you." I respond.

"How do you know which one will win?" He asks.

"Well.... here's what I want you to know. You're 5. You're not meant to know how to choose which wolf wins yet all by yourself. Because I know it's hard. Your brain is changing and so is your body. I wish I had someone tell me that there's nothing wrong with me each time I wanted the bad wolf to win when I was younger."

I hugged him even tighter.... and I did the best I could to create a safe space for him to feel the shame - and know that he is loved.

It's probably one of the first times he is able to feel it rise in his body.

It's probably one of the first times he is aware of this experience that has him feeling a sensation coupled with a thought; "there is something wrong with me".

AND this is what our children are needing help with to navigate.

"Avery - we're your parents, and it's OUR job to help you. You're not meant to know how to do this on your own just yet. So when you are feeling as though the bad wolf is just about to win - what do you think is happening?"

"His bucket is empty?" Avery responds.

"EXACTLY!... The bad wolf wins when there is no Love in our bucket. We are empty. And in these moments - we need to fill up our bucket - otherwise we're going to take from others...and we want others to hurt because we're hurting too.
What can you do if you feel the bad wolf's bucket is empty?" I ask.

"I come and ask you for help?" He answers.

"Yes, I would love that. I'm here to love you when the baddie wolf is winning - AND I'm here to love you when the goodie wolf wins too. If the baddie one wins, we can fill up his bucket...". I answer.

And with that - he went off and started playing.

He went over to started tickling Brooklyn....and for the rest of the day, the heaviness and weight of what he has been carrying started lifting.

I was 27 the first time I confronted within myself.

The feeling that I wasn't enough and that was something wrong with me.

Up until then, there was no awareness of it... just this consistent unease and lull of "I'm a mistake" or "I'm a disappointment" or "It's all my fault" - and never really allowing it to surface.

Shame is a beast.

And it becomes an untamed wild beast the longer we ignore it.

I believe our purpose, our sense of belonging, our sense of being here in this world as an infinite Spiritual being, having a human experience - comes down to meeting our Shame, with Love.

When we ignore our shame, suppress it, drowning it out pretending it's not there - it is near impossible to feel loved, receive love, and to give love without expectation.

The conversation with Avery - isn't a conversation that you can have with your child UNTIL you meet your Shame....and it is EXACTLY the conversation your child is needing from you.

The caveat is this - You need to meet your Shame.

All those parts of you that you judge, betrayed, criticised... those are the parts seeking to rise - to be met with Love.

Because if you can't meet your Shame and hold it in your Heart with Love - your child won't trust that you can love them, with their Shame.

Your child doesn't need you to fix their Shame.

They just need to know that it's safe to feel it - and they will learn how to navigate it - by watching you, navigate yours.

If you are ready - to be able to do this for your children, and are ready for more fulfilling relationships, and to meet your Shame with Love - This is the work I do. It's a big part of my process in being able to meet your Shame - with Love.

It is the work you wish your parents did... for you.

And it's the work you're children are asking you to do, for them.

I have a few spots left in my high-end Mastermind and to work with me directly. And I've got an invite-only program that will be a balm to your heart and understand what it truly means to be Whole.

Reply to this email to find out more. It'll be the Christmas gift you give yourself to have a completely different life for you and your family in 2022. 

Sending love,

Yummii xx

PS Shame doesn't discriminate.

The shame you feel as a 5 year old is a familiar energetic frequency as the shame you experience as a 15 year old, a 30 year old, a 55 year old.

What I teach isn't about rehashing the past. What I teach is how you can meet this energetic frequency - and shift it.