The cost of self-sacrifice

Uncategorized Feb 18, 2020

Growing up, my parents would say; "We gave everything up for you...!".

I never asked them to. 

This isn't to sound ungrateful - and I am not judging them. 

EVERYONE is doing the best they could with what they know at any moment in time. I genuinely believe that. Each individual is on their unique journey and their best - is not for us to judge. 

And yes, sometimes their best - may impact us in hurtful and painful ways. We are still 100% responsible for our own emotions, choices, and actions. That's another exploration for another day :) 

Soo.... going back to my story, I remember hearing my parents sharing with me their unfulfilled dreams and how they had to sacrifice their "joy", their ambition, to give us a life that they never had - assuming that's the life that their children also wanted.

They meant well... and they had particular circumstances which they were working through. 

No child is ever asking their parents to "sacrifice" their life. No child.

That's a heavy burden for a child to bear. If your parents did this, how did this make you feel? Did you ever wish your parents could experience more joy and happiness?

Sacrifice is a choice. And it comes at a considerable cost. 

The cost of you feeling alive and living your best self.

The cost of feeling joy.

The cost of a deeper connection to yourself, to your partner, to your children.

The cost of knowing you are worthy and enough.

No-one was invited to enter into this world so that the purpose of their life is to live by the realm of "sacrifice".

Let's entertain this for a moment.

When you are in the experience of sacrifice;

  • How do you feel about yourself? 
  • How are your energy levels?
  • How do you feel about life?
  • How healthy is your mind?

Consider that's what you're contributing to your environment. When you are experiencing a challenge, how equipped are you mentally, emotionally, and physically to work through this?

Do you know how to cut yourself some slack? Will you ask for help? OR do you continue to push through - dealing with it all alone?

....and then, what are the conversations you are having with yourself?

Are they loving or filled with judgement? Are they compassionate and kind or filled with shame/ guilt?

My guess would be filled with judgement, shame or guilt - or even a cocktail of all 3. 

Let's entertain another scenario. 

You have clarity and have made nourishing your soul a priority. Yes, when it comes to being a parent - we may have "less time" and your focus is always on making time to do what it takes to have your soul thrive.

  • How do you feel about yourself?
  • How are your energy levels?
  • How do you feel about life?
  • How healthy is your mind?

Now, imagine a day that you are facing challenges... How equipped are you to work through this mentally, emotionally, and physically? 

Do you know how to cut yourself some slack? Will you ask for help? OR do you continue to push through?

....and then, what are the conversations you are having with yourself?

Are they loving or filled with judgement? Are they compassionate and kind or filled with shame/ guilt?

When you honour your soul - you are more likely to be loving towards yourself, and therefore compassionate and kind - even when you falter. 

Your chances of recovering, of resilience, and awareness is more reliable than if you are continuously dimming your light in the name of "sacrifice". 

When we choose the path of "self-sacrifice"; we truly kill the possibilities of joy. 

So, if self-sacrifice is a "habit" that you have been addicted to; what's the cure?

You can always start where you are. My challenge to you is this:
Set 30 minutes FOR YOURSELF every day for one week. In these 30 minutes, you are to do something that nourishes your mind, your body or your spirit. 

Some ideas: Excercise, journal, meditate, go for a walk in nature, read an uplifting book, draw, eat mindfully and food that is nourishing, sleep earlier. 

This time is FOR YOU. 

To cure yourself of the habit of self-sacrifice takes discipline. 

You dimming your light serves no-one - especially the ones you love... and your history is not your destiny. 

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