The desperation to be seen...

One of the biggest fears for any child - no matter if they are 6 months old, 5 years old, 16 years old or even 21 years old is this...

The fear of being invisible. 

The fear of being unseen. Unrecognised. Unacknowledged.

This fear isn't just limited to children. It is in all of us.

The hardest thing about parenting is how we navigate feeling "unseen".

Unseen by our spouse, unseen by our children, unseen by those around us. The experience of feeling unseen breeds resentment, breeds obligation, breeds internal turmoil and conflict. 

Adult children, who are now parents, go through so many spaces.

• Resenting their parents, "I would NEVER do what they did as a parent."
• Blaming their parents, "It's their fault that they raised me this way."
• Grateful for their parents, "I am so grateful for my parents and how they raised me."
• Angry at their parents, "How could they say and do those things."

No matter if we have a great upbringing or a challenging upbringing, one thing is critical as a parent.

To heal the wound of being feeling invisible. Because you could have had a very loving upbringing - and feel unseen. If you're a people pleaser, and you can't say "No", - that's a sign of feeling unseen.

If you have a connection challenge with your child, it looks like this:

• They aren't listening to me
• They aren't communicating with me
• They withhold communication
• They are always on their devices
• They are rebelling

Disconnection is a symptom of feeling unseen. Unsupported. Unsafe.

Whether your child is a tiny tot, a teenager or a young adult, they aren't responsible for solving the disconnection. In fact, it's an impossible task - and it's not an issue for them to own.

They are looking to YOU to model how to "reconnect" after there is a disconnection.

As an "adult" - when we are parents - no matter what our relationship was with our parent, it is OUR responsibility to "heal" our inner world.

Our parents may never "recognise" us in the way we want to - and it is our "inner-child" inside our adult self that is craving to be still seen. This is how feeling "invisible" plays out in adulthood.

Our parents may never apologise or even acknowledge what has happened - and here's the thing, they don't need to, and they may never.

This is what radical self-responsibility looks like.

This isn't about denying what happened; this isn't about ignoring what happened - and it is about freeing ourselves from the cage we have created for not allowing ourselves to be free, happy, and whole - because we are waiting for someone else to heal our hurt. 

As an adult who is now a parent, it is our responsibility to "heal" this inner-child that lives within us.

As an adult, the only person that can heal your hurt is YOU.

Want to know how you heal your inner-child and liberate yourself from this desire of feeling unseen from your parents?

It's very simple.

Each time you meet your child's fear, with Love - you heal. 

Each time you can hold space for your child, without needing to fix them, correct them, control them - you heal.

Each time you can truly "feel" your child in their wholeness - you heal.

That's why parenting is a gift that our children have given us. 

Parenting is this opportunity for us to liberate from all the barriers we have created between ourselves and love - and return to our wholeness.

Parenting is hard because it is all about radical self-responsibility.

To break free from this idea that someone else, that something else, that something external to us is responsible for our happiness, our sadness, our anger, our frustrations, our inner world.

It sounds simple - because it is.

It's simple - and not easy. AND it matters. 

Because to heal your experience of feeling invisible, feeling unseen, and committing to making peace with your past - is your permission slip to access joy, connection, and have the family life you truly desire.

So... while I don't know your exact story - if you're here, I know your heart.

I see you. You want the best for your child. You're committed to them feeling truly seen, heard, and understood. 

I invite you to let go of craving for your parents to love you in the way you need... I get it. I really get it... 

...and from this wound - turn it into wisdom. There is a gift in the wound, and the gift is this.

When I meet my child's fear with Love, I heal. 

Let "Meet Fear, with Love", be your mantra.