The habit that gets in the way of your parenting

Taking it personally.

You take their rudeness personally.

You take their yelling personally.

You take their withdrawal personally.

You take all their emotions and how they react personally.

And the more you take things personally - the less power you have to influence and change things.

It can feel personal - and it's NOT personal.

Don Miguel Ruiz says; "Everyone is the dreamer of their own dream"...and when you truly get this - you'll understand that your children are living their own dream - and you are the bystander and the support actor.

When we take things personally, we lose our ability to see clearly.

And we significantly reduce the influence that we can give and that our children can receive.

They aren't yelling at you because they want to be rude.

They are yelling at you because they are HIJACKED.

The adrenalin and cortisol in their body is being OVER PRODUCED - and they don't know how to bring it down.

They aren't ignoring you because they want to be rude.

They are ignoring you because they are confused with what's going inside them.

The years between 14-21 - are the hardest for them.

And it doesn't have to be for you.

It's hard for them because it's the years that they will feel the full brutal force of shame, guilt, despair, judgement, disappointment AND they cannot rely on your energy field to help them through it.

There are brain changes, hormonal changes, and most often, if they didn't have the grounding or the emotional guidance in the first 14 years of life, your teenager is 14+ years of age and operating like a 5 year old in behaviour.

They are frozen in time.

THAT'S WHY IT'S JARRING TO YOU. And them.

The best way to empathise with what's going on is the following:

Have you ever come home from a really intense day at work and you're at your edge as though you're about to explode and just barely holding it all in?

Maybe something happened at work, maybe something happened with your partner/ spouse.... maybe there's stress around finances...

And then your 2 year old or 3 year old doesn't want dinner, and then out you react really poorly and scream and yell - and then you throw an adult tantrum....you call them stupid, ungrateful... you're really not at your best... and you don't feel proud of it.

If your 2-year-old then said, "It's my fault that mum yelled. It's my fault that mum feels terrible. IT'S ALL MY FAULT." - would that be accurate thinking?

Absolutely not.

So - your teenager yelling and doing what they do IS NOT PERSONAL!

They are filled up with stress.... and if you haven't built the years of safety in the first 14 years, they are feeling really lonely, with no safe haven, and navigating the scariest period of their life.

I invite you to consider that during the teenage years, there are things that you don't know that you don't know that your child is going through.

It can range from rape to bullying to peer pressure to drugs or to feeling like a complete failure, worried about belonging, rejection, heartbreak, confusion, low self-esteem, high levels of anxiety, and grief.

It's ALL PENT UP, BLOCKED FEAR energy. So please - don't take it personally.

And the only way you can do this is to have such esteem, love, and being so grounded in you, with the highest love for yourself - so you can see clearly.

From a higher level of mind. And a higher level of heart.

The irony is that self-esteem and resilience is built, cultivated, and nourished by how love we feel when we are in our darkest moments.

And for your teenagers, they are really asking you to see them in their true light. Meeting them with such a fierce love that they can feel it when they are rejecting everything about themselves.

These years, are your redemption.

Your redemption into learning how to love yourself, trust yourself, and live from your Heart - so you can truly be the guide and parent you know they need. They need you more than ever. Don't give up on them.

AND don't take it personally.

Because everytime you take it personally - you are giving up on them and avoiding learning to be the parent that they are seeking.

They say the formative years are from 0-7. Partially true.

Years 14-21, give you the opportunity to re-do years 0-14. Don't take it for granted.

Anytime you take something personal - You are in your Mind, and your inner wounded child is running the show.

It can feel personal (chemical reactions), and it is not personal. 

Sending love,
Yummii xx

PS Want to know who is really running the show and what your next step is?

It's either your Inner Wounded Child or your Heart and your Highest Self. And let's be clear, parenting from your Heart and Highest Self is the greatest legacy you can leave.

Reach out here.