The hardest part about parenting

I was reflecting the other day about this concept; "Parenting is so hard!". 

I invite you to pause for a moment. Think about parenting. Think about your relationship to parenting. 

• Do you feel there are sacrifices?
• Do you feel that your needs come last? That it is ALL about the children?
• Do you feel that sometimes when you look in the mirror, you're just "surviving" and the "you" that you know, is buried under there somewhere?
• Do you sometimes think; "I don't know who I am anymore?"
• What do you think is hard about parenting?

....Now, if you were to step outside of your mind and body, and enter into your child's future self at 21... or even 35... what do you think they would be wanting and willing for you?

• How does your child feel thinking your life was filled with sacrifices? Does it feel expansive or contraction for them? Does it allow them to expand and know that life is on their side or that life is against them?
• How does your child feel, now as an adult, with observing that your needs didn't matter? - Does this help them form healthy relationships and speak up about their needs?
• How does your child feel in being a witness to you "surviving"? Do they feel good about themselves... or is it a heavy burden to carry?
• And, as a young adult - how do they feel about their parent who "gave up so much" and now is not knowing what to do with themselves? Do they worry about you? Are they feeling responsible and blaming themself for the disconnect you feel within yourself?
• What does your adult child want to feel about you and parenting?... I believe that most children want to know that they added value to their parents' life - AND that "parenting" expanded their parents' life - NOT take away from it.

I'm not saying I have all the answers - and there are no absolutes.

What I do commonly hear is that "Parenting is so hard", and "My needs don't matter now". 

However, those two statements are dangerous as they deflect the "deep" work of parenting. 

A key concept that I share about in The Motherhood Mindset is "reframing" this statement. It's not that parenting is hard - digging deep and looking within is the real "hard part". 

...and there is only one way we can facilitate digging deep. 

And, I believe this is "the" most challenging part of parenting. 

The only way we can facilitate digging deep within ourselves, the only way we can nurture a space in which we look within - and the only way we can thrive in parenting which is also the most challenging "work" we'll ever do is.....

Reparenting yourself.

Reparenting yourself has many layers.

It is being able to "care" and "love" yourself in the way you needed as a child.

It is about being able to "heal" that inner child. 

It is about being able to care for you, as you would care for your child. 

One of the ways that we can "reparent" ourselves involves "self-care".

Herein lies the problem.

Sacrifice and Self-care cannot coexist.

Pause and let that sink in. Re-read that last statement.

This is why most parents don't do "self-care". We all "know" what self-care involves. We even know in our logical minds how important it is. 

However, in our sub-conscious minds "self-care" is a foreign concept. With "self-care" being a foreign concept, there is no "self-love".

Without self-love - it is impossible to reparent, dig deep, and believe that YOU are worthy of receiving "care" and "love" that you truly yearned as a young child. 

This isn't to judge our parents. They did the best they could with what they knew.

AND when we know better, we can do better. 

I believe this is the gift of parenting - the journey of returning to our wholeness is the journey of learning how important it is to "care" and "love" ourselves...Because from that place, everyone thrives. 

Self-care isn't about manicures, pedicures, or a big weekend away being kid-free!. That stuff can be nice and fun - however, I've never known a manicure that could turn down the volume on "guilt" or "shame" or "feeling overwhelmed".

True self-care is about cultivating an alignment with your mind, body, and spirit - and a deep understanding of what will allow you to create an overflow of Love within - so you can give from the overflow. 

True self-care empowers you to navigate the challenges of parenting - without being hijacked by Fear. 

How well do you "love" and "care" for you? 

It's tough stuff - and it's what our children really want for us.