"I'm so scared to have children. I feel that I'm too selfish and not ready to give up everything so I can have children. How did you do it?".
That was a real question!...
"What makes you think that you have to give everything up?" I asked.
"Everyone around me says it's all about the children when you become a parent. They say they never have time for themselves..and I feel that they don't really enjoy life.".
The model of self-sacrifice in Motherhood doesn't work. It's a common model - and it's not the model that allows us to love who we are, love our life, love motherhood, and enjoy our children.
Self-sacrifice is common - and you DON'T have to prescribe to it. My invitation is to abolish it from your life as it doesn't serve anyone.
This might be a little morbid - and imagine your child is at your funeral.
What kind of eulogy, what tribute would honour your life?
A. I loved my mother. She was such a selfless woman who put everyone first. She loved us more than she loved herself. She sacrificed her life for all those around her. We hope she knows how loved and appreciated she was. She gave up her dreams so we could achieve ours.
B. I loved my mother. She loved life. She celebrated life. She was someone who gave others permission to be in celebration of living and thriving. She encouraged us through her joy and inspired us to dance with life. Her life was full - and overflowing.
Which is a celebration of life? Which is a mourning of a life?
Which eulogy will give you comfort in the legacy that you're leaving with your children?
Which eulogy would provide comfort in you knowing that your child feels really loved unconditionally - with no strings attached?
Motherhood can be a spiritual awakening. An awakening that breaks you open to choose to live from Love.
To choose to live from Love is to choose to live from spirit. To choose to live from spirit is to choose to be inspired. To choose to be inspired is to choose to be a creator.
The gift of Motherhood is healing, transformative - and an invitation to learn to love ourselves - so that we can give from the overflow.
This model of Motherhood is empowering and expansive.
Self-sacrifice is Fear-based. Self-sacrifice is a contractive model of Motherhood - and it comes at a cost. At the cost of having joy in life.
When we sacrifice our promises to ourselves, to show "Love" for another - that's not Love. That's ego. That's Fear. Nothing wrong with it - and let's call it what it is.
Loving your life, and having a love for life is the most generous and empowering choice in which to express Motherhood - and it's possible to love and honour your gifts AND honour Motherhood.
This isn't about adding more to your "to-do" list, nor is it asking you to be perfect. That's not loving. If anything, it's inviting you to take away from your "to-do" list, and giving yourself some grace.