They can't be your everything

Uncategorized Feb 27, 2019

I'm having a conversation with two close friends of mine about their relationships.

One says; "I'm marrying her because she is a comfortable choice. I know we will last and it'll work out. However, I don't get to have amazing and enlightening conversations with her - we just don't connect on that level... I want to be able to be under the stars and talk to her all night about everything and anything - she isn't that."

In a separate conversation, another friend shares; "I love him.. and he is so caring and kind - and we seem to be at different stages of our growth. However, I don't get those butterflies - and I miss out on those AMAZING kind of conversations that I really want to share with him... We care for each other so deeply - I'm confused..."

It got me thinking - Have we been raised to have a crazy expectation that our partner needs to be our everything??

I do believe - Marry and spend your life with your best friend. Your best friend is someone who is a safe space - safe for you to be vulnerable, safe for you to grow, safe for you to "be". The one you marry, the one you commit to is "home". 

Around them, your wholeness shines. You can be at your worst and have the courage to learn and grow - and allow love in. You are at your best - and are inspired to continue to expand being your best. In their space, you are safe to heal your wounds and show your love. 

They are not responsible for being your everything. They are not responsible for your emotions.

No-one can complete another. The only person that can complete you, is you. 

We place so much pressure on another person to be responsible for our experience of life - an impossible task, a game with no winners. 

We miss out on experiencing the fulfilment and magic of being in the relationship with the one we love because we are always seeking what is lacking, what is wrong - yet, what if we could celebrate what is abundant, and what is joyful?

John and I don't have extreme in-depth conversations on spirituality and awareness as I would with some of my close friends, and I don't have in-depth conversations with all my close friends on spirituality and awareness. 

Every person that we love inspires us in one way or another. Around them, there is a space in which we can show up.

AND - this doesn't compromise the integrity of the relationship or love. 

John is really into cryptocurrency - and while I'm interested and curious - I don't know it enough about it to have the same kind of in-depth conversation he loves to have with his friends!... 

So where did we get this crazy notion and idea that our partner needs to be our everything?

Did it come from observing our parents and their relationship; or was it something we learned between our parents and our self?

As a parent - you cannot fulfil on every emotional need that your child has - and your child isn't responsible for your emotions.

If our parents didn't feel loved from one another - did we buy into the belief that other people are responsible for our emotions and experience of life?

If our mother or father constantly blamed us for how they felt - did we then place our power and our emotional wellbeing as someone else's responsibility?

"To love without knowing how to love wounds the person we love." - Thich Nhat Hanh

The greatest legacy we can leave behind is the legacy of loving another from a place of wholeness. 

Imagine if we took responsibility for our emotions? What would our child be learning? How can this help them with future relationships?

What would it be like if we were invested in our capacity to expand love and understand love?

Food for thought...!

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