Want to heal your triggers? You need to understand addiction...

Hey beautiful soul!

"PLEASE! I beg you... please just leave... I don't want to be with you..." He said. He was on his knees, hands in the prayer position... "I can't do this anymore... and I don't want to be with you! JUST LEAVE!" He begged.

She stood there.

"Where will I go?.... There's nothing for me out there... and you don't mean what you're saying!" She responded. She held her tears back... "I'm not going anywhere...What about our home... all of this?!... I'm not giving it up...!"

They were both in such pain. She walked to the door....and stood there. Numb. Gazing out into the ether...

"Why don't you leave? You'll both be happier.." I said..."This isn't a way to live... you can't live like this - both of you. It's not healthy!".

"There's nothing out there for me. This is all I know.. What will I do with my life? This is all I know...I'm not going..." She quietly said.

I could sense the shame. I could sense the pain. I could sense the hopelessness.

Helplessness.

Powerlessness.

It was at this moment I witnessed emotional "addiction" on a whole new level.

You can't convince someone to get sober. They have to want it.

This couple had a toxic relationship. It was extremely unhealthy - and this was their norm, their baseline...and what their body believed to be safe.

Both parties in the relationship were extremely unhappy and constantly complained. Neither felt loved, seen, heard or understood by each other.

AND yet - The Fear of the Unknown outweighed the Fear of being Unloved.

This was their emotional addiction.

The experience of being unlovable.

They also had an emotional addiction to feeling unsafe.

And with what I know about their background and their story... the emotional addiction of feeling unsupported and misunderstood was always reinforced. It was their self-fulfilling prophecy.

This situation isn't unique to them.

As an outsider, it's easy to say "just leave" or "end it!". It's easy as an outsider to see things for what it is...

However... when you're in it - you can't see what other's are seeing.

For 95% of people, the fear of the unknown will ALWAYS outweigh the fear of being unloved.

This means, we continue to make choices that keep us in the known.... which means we repeat what we know... and if we have unhealthy patterns ... we'll unconsciously continue to play that out.

Whether it be toxic behaviour towards ourselves or toxic relationships.

It is in these definitive moments where we are at our edge that we're presented with an opportunity to do something different.

Choosing love means choosing the unknown.

Choosing fear means choosing certainty.

To want something different, you have to do something different. This takes energy.

This takes an enormous amount of willpower....

Here's the other crazy part - No-one can want it more for you, no one can do it for you, and no one can be the one that takes the action for you or even coerce you to take the action.

When we say to ourselves; "How do I stop getting triggered?" - there is a part of ourselves that believes life shouldn't be this way...

The irony, 95% of your being feels safe. There is "certainty" in these emotional addictions. It feels familiar and secure in your body to be unlovable.

It feels familiar and secure in your body to be disappointed.

It feels familiar and secure in your body to be abandoned, rejected, lonely... sad... [insert your addiction].

To heal your triggers - a big part is understanding how addiction works.

This is why people who do decades of inner-work can still feel unease within their bodies and their life.

It is the reason why people who win the lotto lose everything within 5 years.

It is the reason why people who lose weight gain everything back within 2-3 years.

You have to understand the baseline of your body.

Your body can and will only accept and surrender to beliefs and thoughts that are a vibrational match.

If your body has "I'm unlovable" as truth - and you have a Vision Board with an affirmation that says; "I'm lovable"... there's an internal conflict because your body is calling BS and you are lying to yourself.

And.. that's why the Visualisations or the Meditations aren't working.

You're rushing it. You're bypassing it. And you're denying your humanity.

You can get sober by going cold turkey. Sure. And very few do.

Getting sober, and healing from addiction takes patience.

It takes sincerity... and it takes SO much compassion, grace, and gentleness for ourselves.

Here's the start of the process:

1. What's your emotional baseline?

On a scale 1-10 - how whole do you feel for you?

On a scale 1-10 - how loved do you feel by others? (NOT are you loved, how much do you really feel it?).

2. What are you emotionally addicted to?

What are the emotions that are familiar?

3. With the new awareness of the emotions you are addicted to - on a scale 1-10, how much do you judge or want to fix these emotions when they come up?

TO heal addiction - you can't judge it.... If you talk to anyone about addiction that has gone sober.. here is the thing that will be common to all that has healed.

"I learnt to love myself".

You don't heal by perpetuating the belief that you're broken.

You heal by learning how to love yourself.

  Sending you love,

Yummii xx

PS Most of the challenges we face in our lives and how to navigate them have very little to do with other people, not enough time or not enough money.

Get clear on your emotional addictions. The truth, sets you free.