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This is a special newsletter for those that consider themselves the "unwanted child".
Maybe you were unplanned, or somehow a "mistake" that "shouldn't" have happened... or that you were the "unwanted child"....
I was born out of wedlock. My father was married. I was the "other woman's" child.
I was kept a secret for about 3 years.. and it was "hush hush".
There was a "story" I had about myself was; "I was a mistake, I'm unwanted, and I don't have value".
How this played out until my late 20s - I would make myself wanted and needed - and be in positions of power at work (to avoid feeling unwanted); I would have to get everything right and perfect - the idea of getting anything wrong was debilitating (avoiding being a mistake); and consistently proving my worth and value (because I had a story I wasn't meant to be here).
That life was exhausting. Why? Because I was driven by Fear. Fearful of others finding out the story I had about myself - yet the whole time playing out that story!
There was a weight that I didn't know that I didn't know that I was carrying - and inside that story I created, I had no idea who I was.
It was a reactive way to live.
The identity of the unwanted child, the child that was a mistake - was an identity that doesn't serve Love. It serves Fear.
Now... yes, it's true - my parents didn't love each other, and they had a child.
It wasn't that I was unwanted.
What my parents didn't want, was the experience of being trapped.
What my parents didn't want was to deal with their own pain, hurt, and confusion around their culture, gender, and religion - as they were about to have a child out of wedlock.
What my parents didn't want was the judgement, opinions of others, and being further in the unknown.
What my parents didn't want was the uncertainty of raising a child when they weren't married, together, and they were barely adults.
What my father didn't want was to be in a difficult position of needing to come clean to his wife and then the responsibility of raising a child with a woman he barely knew.
What my mother didn't want was to be alone in a foreign country, not being able to speak a word of English - and here she is, pregnant with a child, with a man that she didn't know was married.
It wasn't "me" that was unwanted.
It was them not knowing how to navigate their emotional, mental, and Spiritual state.
It was the "thoughts in their head" about the "experience of having a child out of wedlock" and needing to navigate through that - when there was another family involved that they didn't want.
They had no idea what or who I was, so it was impossible for them to know whether they wanted me or not.
Yes, they didn't want to parent together or be a parent to a child out of wedlock - AND it wasn't "me" that they didn't want.
When I got this realisation in my cells, the story of being unwanted, a mistake, and not valued - stopped running the show.
Because - I'm here, in this existence, in this time/ space/ dimension.
So I'm going to stop questioning my existence.
And the moment I stop questioning my existence - I'm free to be me.
If every "Being", understood this truth - that you're here, that you are inherently valuable, powerful, and you are meant to be here... that your existence matters... our energy wouldn't be trying to prove our worth, prove that we are lovable, prove that we're enough, and we wouldn't be starving for recognition, acknowledgement, and appreciation.
I'm here - not because my parents wanted me or didn't want me.
I'm here, because I chose to be here.
I'm here, and I exist, because the life force within me, chose to be here.
You're here, because the Highest part of you chose to be here.
You're here, and you exist, because the life force within you, chose to be here.
Because we're here for the experience.
Life force is unstoppable. You can't deny it.
And so whether my parents "wanted me or not" and my thoughts about it - it is irrelevant.
What's relevant is the recognition and accepting the knowing that the life force within me is here, open, ready, and welcoming this experience of life.
Imagine raising your children with that knowledge inside themselves?
Imagine a generation of children, no longer needing to prove, validate, and seek recognition and love from a place that's insatiable - Imagine a generation of children who grow up to be adults that are no longer being hungry and starving for worthiness, love, and to prove their value?
That's what changes the world. That's the evolution of humanity.
So for that to happen... it's the parents of these children no longer questioning their existence or needing to prove their right to take up space here on Earth.
And you're that parent.
If you have questioned why you're here, or what value you add, or the feeling of being a mistake, unwanted, not the "golden child" compared to your sibling.... grant yourself the permission to "stop".
Misery and suffering come from the questioning of our value, our worth, our loveability, and our existence.
To heal is to make whole. To make whole is deciding; right now, your life matters.
It matters because it matters. Full stop. No proof or evidence is needed.
Would you ask your children to prove their worth to you? Would you ask them to spend their adult years being in debt to you for their existence? Would you want them to be incessantly ruminating and questioning their value?
You wouldn't. So don't do it to you.
So no... it wasn't you that your parents didn't want.
What they didn't want wasn't you.
What they didn't want was to face their Fears. It had nothing to do with you.
Sending love,
Yummii xx
PS if this was a balm to your Heart, please share. Write back and let me know.
And if you know someone that was the "unwanted child" or the "black sheep" - and this message might be a balm on their Heart, please send this to them too.
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