What my separation taught me about being wholehearted...
Hello beautiful soul!
I'm going through my separation.
I really really tried in that marriage - and it hurt.
I also recognised what I was feeling was extremely familiar.
It was an experience that I felt throughout ALL my relationships.
Feeling not enough. Unworthy. and a lot of hurt.
HOWEVER - I couldn't express it.
I really struggled to cry...and I struggled to even admit I was hurt. I
would do my usual and shove the emotions down.
I was afraid of disappointment. I was afraid of rejection. I was afraid of abandonment. I was afraid of being a failure.
I was afraid of the shame of "not being able to make a relationship work" - when it "should be" something I know...
I was afraid of the shame of "desperately" wanting a relationship to work and not being able to make it work.
As usual, I would put on a brave face... and show the world, and prove to everyone, I'm not "weak"......Oh, but I was so weak.
That facade of strength - was exactly that. A facade.
The "failure" of a relationship was my biggest fear.
It was what I judged in my parents and it wasn't anything I ever wanted to experience.
At this particular point in my life, I was the Head Coach of a global company that was training on Leadership.
I was training 12 other coaches and had a group of 60 participants all training about Leadership and making a difference in the world....
...and here I was, with a failed marriage.
I hid behind this label, I hid behind this role...I forged on.
Needless to say, the experience of pushing through the pain - didn't do me any favours AND if the Head Coach can't deal with her pain - and had no capacity to be with her vulnerability - and what she represented was all about being a "results producer".
My capacity was capped - and what I was giving was from a place of "proving".
During this time, I come across Brene Brown's TED talk on Courage and Vulnerability.
I'm in tears.
She said this one line that permeated all my cells and being.... "The Wholehearted know how to ask for help."
I'm 29 as I hear this concept of "asking for help" it cut through my armour.
That line - "The Wholehearted know how to ask for help."
It kept ringing and ringing in my head.
I had no idea how guarded I was in relationships - and I had no idea how "broken" I truly felt.
....and when I heard that the Wholehearted know how to ask for help - and they were able to be vulnerable - I knew this was a brand new skill, language, energy, biology I had to learn.
"What does it mean to be Wholehearted? - How does it feel? What does it mean to be vulnerable? How do vulnerability and courage feel in my body and how does this connect to deeper relationships?"
There is one thing to read about it - and there is another thing to master it.
There is nothing more that I wanted than to share my life with someone - and it was the first time I could admit that to myself after my separation.
Up until then my attitude towards relationships were; "I don't need you...".
That guard had to come down if I was truly going to be someone that could be in a healthy nourishing and connected relationship.
I also recognised that my upbringing and my wiring were detrimental to what would make a relationship work.
And I was determined to unwire and unlearn this.
For 1000 days, I dedicated each and every day to understanding the energetics of being "Wholehearted".
Every day for 1000 days I was my own experiment. I would notice when I was in my heart and when I wasn't.
My intention was to "Dare Greatly" and know what it took to live from my Heart - and be Wholehearted.
The first 2 years in doing this - I had to face where I wasn't in my Heart more than knowing when I was.
It was painful to be my own observer and witness - to see how much I would betray myself.
I would say "yes" when I meant "no".
I would be passive when I needed to be bold.
I would keep the peace all to avoid rejection and abandonment.
I would be a victim and blame over taking accountability for my experience of life.
I would judge and be right - instead of curiosity, compassion, and empathy.
I went through all my behaviours, habits, and patterns with sincerity.
I broke free from these unconscious beliefs around Wholeness.
I had collapsed being "Wholehearted" as being perfect.
I thought if you were "whole" you didn't feel pain.
Or if you were "whole" you didn't have challenges.
Or you can only feel "whole" once you have achieved x, y, z or done a, b, c.
I had no idea of these subconscious beliefs and programming about Wholeness was in my body.
The work I do is around Healing Generational Wounds - that work leads to one destination.
Wholeness.
To be able to access and master how to live from a Wholehearted place.
You see - as a society - we have been SOOOOOO programmed to live from our Minds and have our minds be in the driver seat of our relationships.
That is as crazy as letting your 3-year-old drive your car... or a 10-year-old fly a plane.
You're in your marriage as your 10-year-old self that watched his parents fight...or you're parenting from your 5-year-old self feeling isolated and invisible because all the attention is with her brother or sister.
OR you're navigating your conflicts as the 17-year old that is addicted to abusive relationships because that's what your mother - and that's all you know.
And it gets even deeper.
You're not ever able to feel enough or receive Love because as a 9-year-old you got rejected and you promised yourself you'll never ever open your heart again.
....and what's crazier is that we are Fear driven in relationships, have no idea of what Love really is - and we Love with logic, analyses, intellectualising, and rational thought.
That's anything but Love.
NOW - with all of the "inner-child" moments - all of this is energy.
There is memory - and there is energetic memory.
It is the energetic resonance of these experiences that are in your body, that has you mistrusting your Heart - and mistrusting yourself.
In Healing Generational patterns we make peace with our past not by rehashing it.
We make peace with the past by locating the energetic resonance (combined with the awareness) that lives in the body.
I don't need to know the details of the event.
You don't need to go back to that trauma and continue to rehash the story.
What is needed to be witnessed and meet these parts of you that were unable to express the pain, the confusion, the feeling of despair - and meet these parts with understanding, forgiveness, compassion, curiosity.
Pain wants to be witnessed. Not avoided.
This is the process that I teach and have my clients master.
Meet Fear, with Love.
It's been over a decade that I've dedicated myself to the mastery of Love, the mastery of wholeness, and the mastery of what it means to be wholehearted.
I was someone that was afraid of relationships. I was someone that didn't feel worthy of healthy relationships....and I was someone that had NO IDEA about what it takes and who I needed to become to receive Love and navigate conflict.
If you're a parent - and you grew up around dysfunction or the experience of feeling invisible and unseen - this is the work that's needed.
This is the work you wished your parents did....and this is the work your children are wanting you to do.
A few more spots have opened up in my Mastermind.
What you'll experience by the end of this Mastermind is "Wholeness".
It will no longer be a mystery or elusive....and you'll have access to trusting yourself - and your Heart.
The work I do with you - will give you a completely different life.
You'll feel at home in your body, you're able to hold space for your children and you....
...and most importantly, you'll be able to receive Love.
If this speaks to you - book a call here: https://www.
Your Heart is waiting for you.....and so is your new life.
Be it healing from the ending of a relationship, creating brand new connections with your children and partner, or finally ready to feel really loved - and being able to receive it.
Sending love, Yummii xx
PS This has been the hardest year of our marriage - and the old me wouldn't have had the skills to navigate what we have just been through.
As we reflect on our relationship - John and I are SO proud of how we have supported each other during this time of healing - and I can honestly tell you - with both the trauma's we grew up with - it is predictable that we should have been over by now.
Holding space for each other is the skill you're looking for in your relationships - however, you won't know what that is until you can experience it for yourself.
That's my mastery - and all my clients have said; "No one holds space like you do...".
PPS - And John doesn't do the inner-work like I do - You don't need to "fix" your partner.
What you need is to understand the energetics of being Wholehearted....and clarity for your relationships will come.