What's your relationship with needing to be in control?

Scale 1-10 - how much do you like being in control?

Not the answer you think you want me to hear, or the answer you wish you were... If you told yourself the truth, how much do you need to be in control?

AND... therefore - when you were growing up, did you feel "out of control"? Was there chaos? 

Because your relationship with needing control, with needing certainty, with needing to know, with having to have all the answers - will impact the quality of your relationships.

No one likes to be controlled.
And no one wants to be told what to do.

And nothing new can emerge from a place of control. 

One of the biggest mistakes parents make that creates more disconnection with their children is needing to control their children's behaviour.

Therefore, one of the biggest mistakes we make in relationships that create more disconnection is needing to be in control of what's happening, of each other, and the relationship.

Relationships thrive on one condition.

Growth.

Where there is "control", there is no growth.

If you pause and think for a moment, everytime you have tried to "control" something, someone, some circumstance - did anything shift?

Very little. The only thing that "shifted" is the illusion that somehow things are under control and you aren't hitting that edge of chemical reactions in your body. 

Control is rigidity. Control is stiff. Control is what is needed for buildings and structures.

Not relationships. 

Control in a relationship is unhealthy. Unfulfilling. And leads to only one thing. Disconnection.

There is no enjoyment, space or connection. 

So then, how do we let go of the need for control - and lean more into the unknown?

Trust.

The more you trust yourself, the more you trust life.

Pause... and think about it.

Where there is trust - can control exist?

When you trust yourself, when you trust the other person, when you trust the relationship, when you trust the space you share, when you trust life - does needing to control come in?

It's impossible.

Trust TRUMPS control.

And control is a symptom of a lack of trust. 

Why is this important? 

Without Trust within yourself and in life - it's REALLY hard to create and feel safe in relationships.

It's really hard to enjoy life. 

When you don't trust, you're hypervigilant and tense, anticipating the next drama or challenge.

That's not a way to live. 

Imagine you're on a road trip, and the children are in the back of the car, continuously asking, "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are you sure you're going the right way?" As the driver - if you heard this for 3 hours straight, it will drive you nuts. 

Or imagine you're a pilot on a plane, and a passenger keeps wanting to find out if everything is ok and if you're doing your job ok, and needing to know every detail?!... There is no flow. It'll be SO frustrating needing to deal with this passenger that keeps knocking at the cockpit door!

OR..... if you are baking a cake, and you keep opening the oven door to check every few minutes... the cake WILL not rise. 

Control is micro-managing... and the last time I checked... anyone who is micro-managed - feels small, they contract, and their self-worth diminishes. Nothing grows. Nothing great can come from it.

What does this have to do with healing?

Heal your relationship with Trust.

When you don't trust life, or know how to trust others, and you can't trust yourself - your children will be challenged by "Trust".

And Trust is a non-negotiable when it comes to a fulfilling life.

Can you trust yourself in relationships?
Can you trust yourself to be loved?
Can you trust yourself to love?

Can you trust yourself to make great choices? And when you don't, can you trust yourself to learn from this and not give up?

Can you trust yourself with money? Can you trust yourself with your vision and knowing what you want in your life?

Can you trust yourself as a parent? - and as the parent that your children needs you to be? 

Trust is pivotal to abundance. Trust is pivotal to expansion. Trust is pivotal to living to your fullest potential....

And Trust and Control - don't co-exist.

Trust comes from the Heart.
Control comes from the Mind.

Learn to lean more into your Heart when it comes to relationships and the things that truly matter....
And control will no longer suffocate your connection to life.

Sending love,

Yummii xx