We've officially entered a brand new season - I love that Mother Nature reminds us of the impermanence of all things. That there is a season for everything - and magic can be found in the new life that's about to emerge in Spring....and there is also magic to be found in witnessing the trees letting go of the old - to make time for the new.
What if we could apply the cycle of the seasons to our beliefs?
When was the last time you questioned your beliefs?
What beliefs no longer serve us? What beliefs can we let go of - so that we can make room for more empowered beliefs to guide us?
"You know kids these days; they just think they know everything!".... Said a close friend of mine. He was sharing his experience with teenagers and early adults.
It got me thinking - What if the adults or the caretakers of these children are responsible for this?
How often do we create space for others to make mistakes? Or is it more likely that we default to demanding an impossible imperfection from those around us - especially our partners and children?
Could it be that we are addicted to always having to have the answers?.... and addicted to not making mistakes?
My upbringing was from the "common" Tiger parent paradigm - Being obedient was more important than understanding or connection. I wasn't allowed to cry when I was hurting. Showing emotion was a sign of weakness... and coming 2nd in class - meant failure.
Love was conditional.
Mistakes - was a sin growing up. Making a mistake would fire the flight/ fight/ freeze mechanism in my brain.
From a neuroscience perspective - neurons that fire together, wire together. You do this enough times, and it is now "reality".
The impact on my early adulthood - a relentless pursuit of perfection, void of fulfilment - because achievement was survival.
We are now living in an incredible time where ignorance is no longer bliss.
Between the ages of 0-6 - we live in our subconscious mind. This means - how we see ourselves, how we relate to the world, what we think we are capable of, how daring we are, the willingness to take risks and exercise courage - is programmed.
Think about that - Your courage, your resilience, how you relate to the world (is it safe vs unsafe), how you show up in relationships (am I open to receiving love or will I always hold a part of myself back?) - is programmed, wired, in your brain by the time you are 6 years old.
Your willingness to step outside your comfort zone - your desire to see life as an adventure, and mistakes are part of the learning process, and resilience is a muscle that is to be built (or not)....
What would it be like, if we could get out of the way - and allow our children to make mistakes - AND our purpose, our role, was just to hold them, be there, and continuously remind them that they are loved - especially when they have made a mistake?
Would meeting them with love when they are at their worst build resilience or would meeting them with condemnation and fear to build their resilience?
I would say the former.
For when the world occurs as safe, when the world occurs as a playground - the willingness to take risks, to learn from and move through your mistakes is higher.
It starts with us. It starts with bringing awareness to the capacity we have within ourselves to bring compassion to the moments we make a mistake. To know that mistakes - are a natural part of growth. You can't have growth without making mistakes.
It starts with our willingness to love the parts of ourselves that are imperfect - and see perfection in the imperfection.
Mistakes do not define us. Mistakes - are just that. Mistakes. Decisions, reasoning, and action that are faulty. Mistakes do not make a faulty human being.
We are all doing the best we can at any moment in time. As are our children. Whether they are 2 weeks old or 3 years old or 16 years old - We are ALL doing the best we can, with what we know, at that moment in time.
...and when we know better, we will do better. And that's our own journey.
Our knowingness and will to do better - is ours to own.
As is your childs....and your partner ;) Their journey of awareness, of awakening, of wanting to do better is theirs to own.
I invite you to let go of the need to control, to trust in another's journey and unfolding - and instead, send yourself some compassion and love.
Choose forgiveness. Choose growth.
Choose to let go of perfection.