You are the company you keep
Pause for a moment. Who are your biggest influences when it comes to parenting and relationships?
You are the average of the five people that heavily influence you in any area of life.
Recently, John and I reached out to close friends of ours, Dawna and Brad, who now have teenagers.
We love how they parent, we love their relationship, and we love their outlook on life - and how they live their life.
We asked them to coach/ mentor us in the areas of "Relationship" and "Parenting" as a family of 4.
Their philosophy on family life was inspiring.
In our first call, Dawna asked; "You know it's only been eight weeks with Brooklyn...and as a family of 4! Do you think you're too hard on yourself with reaching out for coaching?". She laughed!
We all laughed...and this was my reply.
"Exactly - it's only eight weeks, and this is the PERFECT time to prime my heart and brain - when it's new rather than learn bad habits and have to unlearn them!".
I'm a huge believer in learning from the best - and not having all the answers. The transition from a family of 3 to a family of 4 is a HUGE shift.
There are so many dynamics at play - especially the relationship between both parents.
The catalyst for reaching out was because I felt John and I were no longer on the same page with parenting. Here's where it gets interesting...
"Are you both on the same page - because that common ground is important." Says both Dawna and Brad.
"I don't think we are anymore! I think we were when we just had Avery. Now with Brooklyn and Avery - I feel that I'm challenged! I don't know how to effectively navigate this new family dynamic and create a shared vision!". I responded.
"I feel that we are!" John replied. "I think Yummii's expectations on parenting is like an A3 page and mine is an A4 page... so I feel that it overlaps and we're on the same page - except her page is bigger!".
This was an "A-ha" moment for me.
As the conversation evolves - there were more insights about each other! John and I communicate regularly, and nothing is off-limits, and we discovered things about parenting and our relationship with each other because of the space Dawna and Brad created.
Being on the same page - having a shared vision of parenthood is what brings joy in parenting together. This takes conscious energy, investment, and it is a continuous exploration.
What worked for us with one-child no longer was valid with two. The willingness to unlearn and adopt a beginner's mindset as new parents of two is what will contribute to a thriving partnership with one another.
Our model of how we think and our belief system in any area of life is our responsibility. We have a say on who influences us and how we use that influence in our lives.
My vision for families is that every parent loves who they are as a parent - and who they get to become, and that parenting is an opportunity for healing and transformation.
This means - we're not doing parenting alone. That as a collective, we are learning and growing with one another. Success leaves clues.
"There is no manual for parenting" then becomes a redundant excuse for not doing the inner work.
I'm constantly reminded that "our love"; my love for John and his love for me matters. That it is a living organism that is continuously evolving and growing - and how we nurture, nourish, and navigate our partnership is a gift that we are giving to our children.
This week I invite you to reflect on who are the most significant influences for your relationship and in this journey of parenting? Who are you seeking wisdom from? Who do you allow to guide you on this journey?
- Are you inspired by the way they love, the way they parent, and the way they live?
- Does it inspire you to be better, to do better, and to grow?
You are the company you keep. You have a say on the company you keep.