You're not responsible...

Hello beautiful soul!

There is something we do that's so unconscious that causes so much heartache in our relationships.

It's a habit and a pattern that creates a lose-lose circumstance. NO-ONE wins.

Before I share what it is...let me ask you...

• 1. Do you feel responsible for making everyone around you happy?
• 2. Do you feel responsible for your child's emotional state?
• 3. Do you feel responsible for your partners?
• 4. Do you put everyone else's needs before yours?

Are you ready? 

The common thread underneath all of this is "I'm responsible for everyone."

Which... basically sets you up for failure.

Hear me out.

I feel we got "responsibility" kind of messed up.

Even when we look it up in the dictionary (thanks Google), this is the definition:

To blame yourself for something; to acknowledge a fault. I take responsibility for my poor choice; it was my fault.

Or the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or having control over someone.

WOW!...

I mean... that's insane. 

I'm going to challenge all of that. And I'm going to invite you on my relationship with "responsibility".

I believe "responsibility" is the ownership and capacity in which "I" own my ability to respond. 

In fact, it is near impossible to be responsible for another's "ability to respond". 

And you may have read it, and I've shared it MANY times - if we honestly had the power to be responsible for our loved ones emotional state - wouldn't we wave a magic wand and make everyone happy?! 

You're not responsible for another's emotional state.. and you are responsible for your emotional state (i.e. you are accountable for your ability to respond).

If we believe life is always happening for us - then life is a dance that we're "responding" to. 

If we believe life is against us - then life because a relationship that we're constantly reacting to.

And so - in the relationships with our children, partners/ spouses, family, friends... we don't have any power over their ability to respond... and we have full authority on whether we choose to exercise our ability to respond with Love or we choose to exercise our ability to respond with Fear (which is really reacting).  

Here's a practical example of this.

• Your child fails an exam. 
• You find out your child does drugs.
• Your child cheated on someone.
• Your child betrayed someone else.
• Your child got hurt.
• Your child got bullied.

What's the default reaction that most parents go to? "What did I do?" and most probably blame themselves....and we're going to want to fix it.

Here's another...

• My partner is mad.
• My partner is unhappy.
• My partner no longer loves me.
• My partner has treated me unkind.
• My partner cheated.
• My partner abused me.

Where does the mind go? It goes to "What did I do wrong, and I'm at fault. I need to fix this."

I believe one of the healthiest things we can do in relationships is redefining "responsibility" - and genuinely getting to the core that it's near impossible, actually downright impossible of owning another's emotional state or being accountable for how they show up.

It is within this action - and this action alone that will create more harmony, alignment and connection in our relationships.

How?

Because it's letting go of this illusion that we have control over another human being's experience of life.

... So if we dig a bit deeper... we're healing our grip on life.

The more controlling we are, the less we trust life - and the less we trust another to own their life.

...Let's go one more layer...

If our relationship to responsibility has collapsed into being about control - and if there are only every two states we live from, Love or Fear... What does that reflect within us?

Simply said... living from Fear. 

There is something so healing in letting go - and trusting. 

And it's hard..... and that's the work to do.

This week - I invite you to give yourself grace... and let go of unconsciously blaming yourself and taking on the impossible task of being responsible for everyone.

The most loving thing you can do is cultivate your ability to respond from a place of Love.

Sending Love,

Yummii xx

PS If you're ready to let go of carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, reply to this email.

I have a few spots available to support you in your next steps.